Tonight I realized that, if I’m not careful, I start running a script in my head about how things “ought” to be in a given situation. Like at a concert, you’re supposed to do certain things, act a certain way. It’s game theory, really, the semi-conscious response to unwritten social rules. I find that when I obey the script and not my heart, I am very unhappy. The script said I needed to be at the concert with someone, perhaps a pretty girl. I was supposed to be a big fan and shiver in anticipation. I was supposed to jump around and be excited that someone was playing on the stage. I find that I can’t even walk straight when I’m going against my own path, let alone put on some facade of “thrilled concert goer.” As soon as I stopped scoping out women, stopped feeling sorry about the fact that I was there by myself, stopped being concerned about what I should do when the band was playing, I became supremely happy and at ease. It was perfectly okay to sit and write and occasionally remember that Coldplay was putting on a great show. I didn’t want my thoughts interrupted. I didn’t want to worry if some hypothetical date was having a good time. I didn’t want a script to interfere with my sense of self or my peace.